what's going on.. hey hey hey

Hmm. I had so much I wanted to write about. And now that I'm here and ready/able to do it my mind draws blank.

I've had a lot going on with my house. Ever since we've moved into this new place it's been nothing but caos. Our electric is still not running right, only 1/2 the house works. We've been here 2 months now! Both our tv's got fried, a microwave, fridge exc. They said the fixed the prob last week or two weeks ago. Don't know ya know my roommy bought a new tv, we walked in on halloween to get ready and it was on fire. No flames yet, but tonsssssssssss of smoke!!!!!! I felt like i was at a club w/ a fog machine right in my face. What if we hadn't been home while it happened?


On to a more positive note: You know my dream was to come down here, go to school, not have to work, but pay attention to school. At the very least, just get financial aid for school. For the past year now, it's been nothing but hectic. Going round and round and round with them! I have to admit I was getting very frustrated. well, July they told me I owed them 600 bucks for going to school the 2weeks they told me to!! I spoke with the financial director (head guy) 2 x's and he's helped me out tremendously. $200 is coming out of my loans and the rest of the money they are giving me a "scholarship" for!!!" With that being said, i go to school in january!!

I wanted to go part time, but being that I'll have to be waiting on cat, i might as well take classes to fill the time. I was going to to history, social problems, envi science and ceramics. Cat and I were doing ceramics together, but I couldn't get in the class :(. So I filled that, unwantingly with math. I wasn't wanting to take that many core classes, but also gatta do what I gatta do. Cat decided the other day just to check to see if any openings became available. There was one, and I got it!!! Yayayayaya!! thank YOU Lord.

I haven't been going to church since I've been down here and it's taking a toll on me. Either I'm working, we're tired, or don't have the gas.... exc exc exc. But I was lucky to work only till 5 yesturday. Marsella's church service is in the evening and s.s. in the morning. So I went with her last nite. It's a spanish speaking church, but I love it. I've been to s.s. there once as well. I know some spanish . And Spanish has always been a passion. I was going to take it this semester, but it didn't work into my schedule. Marsella's said she's ganna hook me up with a mexican guy. Lol!

So that's what's been going on in my life. Shoot me an e-mail and tell me what's going on with yours

Growing Up :) .............

For a long time I've been saying that I don't act my age and that I need to mature. I've deffinatly noticed that in myself these past few months of me being here. While I was home and lived w/ my two roommates, I was more indipendant.But I always had mom there to give me money if I was short, buy me groceries, exc. She was there for me when I needed her to be. I'd stop by and she'd do whatever she could. Down here I have had to be much more indipendant. I can't say how excited I am about this!! I never thought this would come, but He IS leading me!! PTL

"Goin' Mental...."

A year ago this July/August I was going through the hardest time of my life. I made some very bad decisions to start drinking again (knowing what that does to me.) And from there doing two other drugs as well. I went from doing "ok" and two weeks later my life turned upside down, due mostly to those bad decisions that I made two weeks in a row. I never saw myself as being someone who would end up in the psych ward of a hospital. But there I was sitting in the E.R. very suicidal and they addmited me. I was in there for 5 days and then in partial hospitalization for 2 1/2 weeks. 3 1/2 weeks of deep treatment. That's a month of my life going through something that was confusing, frustrating, draining.

It was then that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was upset when I got the diagnosis, but I knew it was accurate. I also was glad to finally have the right diagnosis.

This past year has been a self-seeking one. Finding out who I am (not who my disease makes me.) and how to make it through this. They say it takes atleast 2 years-ish to get meds straight that work for you. I am very confidant in where my meds are now. The Dr. asked me if i wanted to up my meds and I told him no. I don't to take more than I need. I want to be a human being, not walking around like a zombi.

Well, on a completely different note: Work is going well. Starting tomorrow I'm learning how to open the store. I have to be in at 6 am. thank God I live right next door. If I become more of an opener, I'm hoping to get a raise. We'll see when the time comes.

Anyway, I work 5-10 tonight and then 6a-2 tomorrow. It's 3:45 so nap time.

mY ministry... if only a little one!!

If only a bit of a ministry, I'm so glad to have this lil bit to hang on to. I've mentioned several times about how I see the same regular customers over and over. It is often a blessing!! You get to know them, and they you.

There's a guy who comes in who reminds me of my dad. My dad and I never had a good relationship. So I don't have great memories there. IDK why this guy reminds me of him, and in a good way. He's normally very quite, and not moody, but not nice. We were talking the other day and I asked how he was and mentioned that I hadn't seen him in a lil while. He told me he'd been in the hospital for kidney failure and is now on dialysis 3 days a week. By the time I rang him out, I told Him I'd be praying for him, and he said thank you. But When he was leaving he said "By the way, my name is michael." Each day when I see him I ask how he's doing. The other day we were 1/2 through his sandwhich and he said "I think your prayers have been helping." I have been praying for him since the night I told him I would. God is good. He is gracious, understanding, and gives us what we need.

There are other customers that I have genuinly been able to say I'd pray for them as well. I have to admit I have a hard time praying for myself regularly. And other things around me. But I've really enjoyed being able to pray for others.

It makes me think of the ministry I want to start some day. I don't quite know what that's going to look like, but I like that God's allowing my heart feel like He's using me :)

please PRAY!!! been really sick

In my last post I wrote about how I'd been really sick, coming home from PA. It was AWEFULL!!! Well, the past 3-4 days I've been struggling w/ a migrain. They've been reallllllly bad the past few months. The head ache part goes away for a while, but the nausia and vomiting part sticks around longer. I'm having a hard time keeping food down. So I have been trying to live off of gatorade. I'm kind of worried b/c it's not really healthy.

Besides all that, it's been realllly hot out. And that just doesn't help.

How'd it going? Being home that is.

Yes, Yes I was home just a few weeks ago. It was a trip I'd anticipated for weeks on end. I was sooo excited to leave my dull mundane life here to go back to my busy hi paced one back home.

As soon as I got home, straight from the airport Andrew and I were off to meet up with friends who were camping. It was a 3 hour drive. Anyway, the next day, before traveling home, Andrew and I went on a trail to see waterfalls that were there. It was like a 7 mile hike and we did it in 2 1/2 hours. Let me tell you, my legs were sore the next four days!!

My good good good friend, Devon, got married. She was absolutly georgous!!! That was the main point of me coming home. I promised her that when I moved.

I had expectations when I left here. I thought I'd be spending a lot of times with some friends. And knew I'd see other friends at the wedding and such. Turns out that the friends I was expecting to see more (since they were my close friends before i left) are the ones i saw the least of. And the ones who I've known forever but don't get to see much are the ones I really was able to get some time in with. I deffinatly came home feeling very confused. But was blessed by reconnecting with some.

I was traveling back home to TX on Tuesday. I was planning to spend last minute time with friends ans such on Sunday and Monday. But Sunday I started feeling a bit sick, and monday worse. I did some errands and then took a nap till 7pm and made myself get up to do some packing. Tuesday sicker than Monday. I vomited several times throughout the days. (I held the plane up at one point b/c they couldn't taxi in w/ me being in the bathroom.) I had a 3 hour lay over in Houston TX. I was so sick to my stomach (and had sooo much pain in my back as well, that i almost decided to go to the E.R. and was ganna pay someone from down here to come pick me up. With a LOTTTT of prayer I made it home. But the next day I went to the E.R. here. They didn't know what it was from, and thought I just had a virus. But it wasn't anything serious such as gull bladder, kidney, exc.

I had to take several days off of work. That was hard b/c I already had a week of no pay, due to being home. And then the following week due to taking off, I'd only have like a 2 day pay. It's been a bit rough trying to catch back up. But God provides.

the good with the bad

Today was one of those days. Just having stressers here and there. I had one of my psychiatrist apts today. Oh yay. I don't mind going to them, but it's one of those things where you're there for like 2 hours+ literally. The Dr. pretty much kept my meds the same, but tweaked some meds. And instead of taking them 2 x's a day, i'll be taking them 1 x. I'm very excited about this. BUT

My insurance from back home runs out this month. Just found out today. The place I went to today can give meds. But you need financial info. I had pay stubs, but they need income tax forms. I made more money last year, and am fearing that I won't be able to get the meds. I'm VERY worried about this, and REALLY need to give it to God!!

IDK if I wrote about this yesturday or not, so i'ma write again. I was having a really rough day yesturday. I was in tears over nothing. Just sad and down. I had to step aside for a while and let myself go in the back and cry. I even called mom up just to talk. Well, later a customer came who in was with her mom. She was a higher functioning girl who had mental retardation. She knew exactly what she wanted. It was cute. She said something, and I couldn't hear what she said. So I had her repeat it. She told me I was very pretty. I took their order all the way down to the cash register. It was def. what I needed yesturday. God gave me a little blessing that I didn't deserve.

it's nearly 12am, which means 4 days till I arrive home. I have so many emotions that are going through me. Excitement, relief, nervousness, anxiety. Oh how the list could go on, I'm sure.

ok. Much love. See you soon if you're around when I'm around