Scattered!

I think I'm going to Texas! I use the work "think" b/c I'm just not certain yet. But I think I am. I'm not closed minded! I'm not saying that b/c it's simply "what I want." I just feel like that's what's ganna happen. Keep praying w/ me. Some times God speaks to us through other people. Has God spoken to YOU on MY behalf?

Scattered. That's a great word to describe what my mom's living room looks like right now!!!! I decided to take all my stuff and unpack it. That way I could repack it for Texas, just to be prepared if I am going. I'm going to be shipping most of it. And decided in that case, I'm not taking everyting I previously was going to. I have "piles" of stuff right now!!! Stuff that will stay here/ go to thrift store. And then stuff that goes. Now i have to get them back into tubs. This is like the 2 or 3rd time I've rearanged stuff, since i lived w/ mom the past month. I find it kinda humorous. I laugh at myself. Hehe.

That's all she wrote for right now....

For the love of.. stuff!!!

It would be easier for you, if you read my last post before you read this one.

I still don't know what's going on. I don't know if i'm suposed to stay or go. But i've been preparing for Tx, just in case.

I had most of my stuff packed and ready to go. But some stuff just thrown around, to pack last minute. Now, that i'm going to be going a completely diff. way, i have to rethink things. I already did a lot of unpacking/packing last week. But now that all means nothing b/c i have to send less, and in diff. packaging.

Right now i just don't have the will to pack and do things. But i need to get on it, just in case. Anyone wanna come over and hang out? I guess i'd get more done w/ someone being here.

Choices

Well, I still do not know what it is I'm meant to do. Stay or Go? I'm just not sure.

But I've been doing research, about alternative ways to go to Tx and get my things there, in case that is what I"m suposed to do.

Taking the plane seems like the best idea right now. This is the break down of things w/ luggage
first two luggage=free
3rd (up to 50 lbs) = $25
Each additional = $50 each
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United States Postal
50lbs= 36.5 6 days $55.10 2 days ( I would do the six days)
$30lbs= 25.17 " $35.80 "
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UPS
more expensive than above!
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Getting there:
Greyhound bus $239, 3 day trip!!
~Had a hard time accessing the amtrack site.

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So this is my thinking, if I am going:

Taking the plane (id buy my friend's ticket from her.) and take my two free lugage with me (make them heavy, up to 50 lbs!) I'd also take a 3rd luggage w/ me heavy, up to 50 lbs! b/c that would only cost me $25! The rest, mail by us mail.

So i have things in place of what I would do. The only problem, don't know what to do!! But i have things in place, just in case.

God's Word

Yesturday I did not read my devotions. I was tired, exhausted. And I just didn't. I normally do them at nite. Today I decided to do it in the day. And went back and did yesturday's as well. It never ceases to amaze me just how God ordains scripture to talk to you on a certain day! I read mine from a calandar already set up each day. So how it happened to be the same day i needed to read it, IDK. But I love when that happensyesturdays scripture: Ps 145:17-20"The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on HIm, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him...Todays: Hebrews 6:17-19Because God wanted to make the unchangin nature of His purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it w/ an oath. God did this so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

to be or not to be? (texas that is...)

As you prolly know, i should be on my way to Texas right now. In fact, i'd almost be in Tennessee for the nite. But that's not the case. I didn't go and I'm not quite sure yet if I am going. I'm confused, and need to seek God out. Friday nite i prayed, asking God that if He didn't want me to go, or not go right now, to show me something w/ the car, that would keep me from going. So mom and i are up and getting ready to go pick the SUV up around 11ish. We call to get directions, and the guy says they don't have the SUV for me!! What?! I had it reserved for 2-3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! So after a lot of frustration, i was able to go to NE Philly to pick one up. We get there and they say they can't rent it to me w/ my debit card, we need a credit card, and the person had to be there to sign. So we couldn't just get someone to give us the number by the phone. I was upset!!!!!!!!!!!! My thoughts "i'm suposed to move to Tx in hours!!! you gatta find a way to rent me this car.) I began praying that i didn't know if it was God telling me not to go, b/c that's why i prayed, or just trying my faith. I talked to a friend who was going to come down and let me use his credit card. Bfore he came, i went in a corner by myself and prayed. And it was something like "I have no idea if You're trying my faith, or don't want me to go right now. If you don't want me to, do something w/-------- when he gets here. So he got there.... and they said the person has to be 25 years old!!!!!!!!! and they wouldn't take the card. My mom was now very upset, and trying to get them to figure something out, but i stopped her. Told her this is what i prayed about, and I know w/o a dougt that this was God!!SOOOOOOOOOONow, I don't know what this means for me. Idk if this means he didn't want me to leave today for some reason (an accident could have happended, exc.) or if he wants me to stay. I'm confsued, and don't know what to do. My life is literally on Hold. I don't know weather to look to get my job back, wait, unpack my stuff, live out of a box, exc!! Some firends were coming over for a sending off, open house party last nite. And some ppl still came. So we played games, but more importantly, prayed. EAch of us asking God to reveal to us/me clearly what's next.

It all started here...

Back in July I went through a lot of life changes! I was depressed and alone. I got diagnosed w/ Bipolar Dissorder. My best friend Cat, who moved to Texas two years ago to be w/ her dad, said I should come visit her and take a few months off. I couldn't. I have work and a life. I didn't want to lose the only job i had.

For the past year or so, I've been wanting to persue college again. But didn't know how, where, when. So one day about of the blue, I thought I could apply to the community college Cat goes to. Since they have on site housing. I would see how much financial aid I'd get, and if enough, to cover school and housing, I'd go. Right then, a snowball of things started hapening saying the doors were open to go!

I began praying "God Idk what you want. I am going to peruse this. But if you don't want this to happen, that's fine. Just show me what you want. Close doors and open them in whatever direction you want and I'll obey." Right away doors opened for Texas. A few days later one of my roommates said they were moving out w/in two months. The next week the other roommate said if a potential roommate didn't work out, she too was moving out. Financial aid came through very abundantly. I told my close friends on a thursday nite that I was deff. thinking this was a go, and to pray for me. I asked them to pray for me as I'd be talking to both my mom and my roommates the next day. I had breakfast w/ my mom. I told her. I asked her "are you upset w/ me" her answer was "no, i'm not upset w/ you. If this is where God's calling you, i have no rite telling you to stay." Now, this was not a response from my mom! I was expecting bucketts of tears. Questions like "are you leaving me, will you be back, exc." I began fearing talking to my roommates, but God said "if I worked this out w/ your mom, why are you fearing now." I told them. One was very suportive. The other more hurt.

During all this time, i was also applying to other community colleges here. But I'd still have to work full time and go to school. Schooling is very hard for me. So i envision this taking a toll on me. Low and behold, though, I got a letter saying that I couldn't get financial aid here b/c I applied somewhere else! A few days later, another college here (which i thought would be the one i would go to here) also said I couldn't continue b/c of other applications, exc. All signs that God was closing doors!

One day I went to Montco to get my transcripts sent. this was a long, rough day for me!~ They said I owed $70 and wouldn't be able to get them. I prayed and went through a lot of "talk to him, talk to her, go back to him exc." I asked if I could pay $20 now, and the rest later. They informed me that I couldn't. Finally, a manager walked up and said "this is too much of a hassel. We will take the $20 and call it even!" Didn't have to pay the $50 balance! As I was finishing up, the lady at a diff. window said goodbye, then said "could you pray for me? I lost an important peice of jewlrey I can't find." I was amazed that she would say this to me! How did she know i would pray? You don't just say it to random people.

I'm sure that there's more! But my mind just has soo much going on. So anyway, this is where it all started!...