~*Lonely*~

Back home I was always surrounded by a lot of people, activities and worked some nights.

I haven't really been in touch w/ many ppl. back home. And I spend a lot of time by myself here. I kinda feel like I'm letting home slip away. Like if/when I come back, I won't have anything left there. That thought scares me.

I feel empty and dry right now. And have so much going on. Add my bipolar attack to it all and it makes for an interesting situation.

Will it ever get better....

school

this week was a bad week for me all over. But even when it comes to school! I barly did any homework. Yesturday I broke down and started on my English homework. I wish all my homework and classes were as easy as English. The book is written to where it's easy to read, even for someone like me w/ learning dissabilities. Need to get more h/w done!!!

stuff... random stuff

Before I forget: something cute! So there's a bunny (maybe a few?) That live here in the trailer park! And I randomly see it hopping around some times!! I love it!

Tonight on my way to the C.R. meeting, Linda and I were talking. There are lots of squerpions (i hate them!!!!!!!!!!) around here. And dangerous snakes. Go figure. I dont like them either! I freaked out when I saw a garden snake at my house in Souderton!! (When I lived in AZ we had squerpions. We had to check our shoes and beds!!) I don't want that again!!! I'm freaked out.

So I had a really bad week. It's been crazy rough. But C.R. was great. I was able to talk about my struggles. I really like it there.

Cat, Garett(a friend of hers from work, who's become a good friend of mine too.) and I were going to go to IHOP after work. On our way there she felt that her tires were off so we went to put air in them. Well the tire popped!!! So we had to wait forever till someone could come change it. Well, not toooo long. But still. So there was a subway there at the gas station(closed) but w/ tables. So we bought stuff there and hung out. Sure beat IHOP. LOL!!

Life Hurts a lot

Ever had a friend walk out of your life w/ no explanation? And expect it to be ok? This hurts!! It's painful! Do you know what it does to someone as a person. No, as a human being!!!! To spit on them, walk all over them and that's that! That's ok! B/c you only think of YOU and what YOU want. How about thinking about the other person involved. Ther person left out in the rain w/o an umbrella. Atleast if you're ganna throw someone out in the rain, give them an umbrella!

So I say all this to say, Don't forget that your actions and words impact others. And even when it's easy to only think of yourself, remember other people's feelings, lives and hearts are incorporated into the situation.

This is how it went: (And BIG prayer request)

Cat and I went to the Christian club. It was nothing like what I expected,BUT it was still cool! So we go in and they have free lunch for us. A hot lunch! And the guy "in charge" just went around talking to everyone. (he did a short (3?) min devo before we got there. This is how it goes every week! People from diff. churches sign up to come and provide lunch for us, and he does his quick devo. No strings attatched. It doesn't give much of a chance to get to know people. But after I see people there a few times, I'll feel more comfortable to start talking to them. Maybe I'll try and make it a point next week.

~~~~~~~~~~
Change of subject: imortant

I'm going into a Manic episode of my bipolar. And I'm scared. This causes me to have urges to use. And do things I normally don't want to do. They are very strong. I had a bad day today. And feel aweful. Please pray through this WITH me. Mom got me some books on bipolar for Christmas. I'ma have to try and find them and see if they say anything about how to get through a manic cycle.

clubs

Most schools offer clubs as extra ciricular activities. So I was really looking forward to joining the christian club. (in hopes that they had one here!) Today kicks off the first one of this semester! And I'm totally stoked! it's nice b/c it's not during any of Cat or me's class'. And it's Right after her last class, so we don't have to wait around or anything. Very conveinient.(i butchered the spelling of that one!!)

On Friday nite Cat and I hung out w/ some young adults our age from a local church. It was great, and I felt like I was able to get plugged in a little bit. But I'm equally, if not more so, excited about the Christian club. It will be nice to meet some ppl. here on campus. It's a small campus so I'm expecting a small crowd. But none the less it will allow me to meet people! And not just people, but others who share my beliefs. Yaaa!!!!!! Can't wait to post about it later. Oh ya, and they're having lunch there today! Which means we don't have to buy lunch out, and i didn't have to pack it today! (we decided we're ganna try packing our lunch most of the time. I'm on a really smalllll budget and actually getting very nervous about my financial situation.)

have a great day!

slept late

Cat and I were both really excited about going to church today. The Sunday school ppl. we hung out w/, that class starts at 9am. She woke me up at 8:55 and said we're late. I had my alarm set. But unfortunatly I forget that it says "do you want it activated on the weekends" and I keep that on No. Grrr!!!

But church service starts at 10:30. So we're ganna go to that. Atleast we'll get to church. I'm excited to see what this church is like. It's a baptist church. I was at a couple back home, and they were hard core, and more on the traditional side of a lot of things.

friends

Cathlene's friend/coworker came to hang out w/ me a the coffee shop. She just got a birthday card for a friend. And it really touched my heart.

A Best Friend...
is there when you need someone,
but understands when you want to be alone.
Sees the bright side of a bad hair day.
Remembers when you met.
Notices when you lose five pounds
and gets excited about it...

A best friend...
knows your favorite song,
and what you like on your pizza.
Shares your favorite memories.
Appreciates your sence of humor (or lack there of.)
Is up for anything, and never lets you down.

You're the kind of person
who makes friendship
a lifelong adventure
I'm so glad we're friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It made me think.. What makes good friendships? Isn't it special when a friend knows you like onions and peperoni on your pizza? Or you think back on the time you sat at a coffee shop and poured your heart out? Or how about they know that you're sensitive, and that's ok!

What is real friendship to you? Is it someone you hang out w/ just to hang out? Or someone who really knows you?

I have to say, I stink at the friendship game. I always give way too much or way too little. Not many people know how to accept me right where I am.

Just for the record:
I like onions on my pizza
i love mexican food but w/o the hot sauce.
I love animals and dream of living on a ranch someday.
i am sentimental and have tons of "keep sakes" from special times.
I'm embarraced to do sports around other people (even walking.)
I love sunflowers and daphodils.
i want to get married in the rain
I enjoy being my own person and not conforming to the crowd.

Did You know those things about me?

Go me, it's my birthday, ya ya

Enligsh.

I was really hoping to take an English class this semester b/c I like that class. But I couldn't get into any. Until after the first day of school, i was able to get into an on line one!!! I'm a bit nervous about the on line thing, but I think I'm ganna do ok.

I went on the site and was looking around, and happened upon the fact that I had to take a test by Monday. It's one that you don't get graded on. Just 100% if you do it, 0% if you don't. To see where you're at.

There were about 14 different things they test you on. I got a 100& on like 10 of them! 67% on 3 and a 33% on one. The only the test told me i should brush up on, and work on was the 33% one! So I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. That's really exciting to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Change of Subject

So Cathlene works today 2-9p. I wasn't in the mood to be in the house all day so I decided to have her drop me off at this coffee shop we go to. It's ganna be a long time to be here. But i have a bunch of homework I could do. And I also have my lap top here as well. Besides that, I'ma call Cat later and she's ganna try to come and get me, and then I'll just hang out at her work (subway) for a while.

being social

The past week I've been in contact w/ people from a local church. About having a college age/ young adult group. They've had ppl. my age e mail me back and such. The college past e-mailed me today saying I was welcome to go to the college age group, but I might want to check out the Young adults group closer to my age. He sent an e-mail to some ppl who then got in touch w/ me. Tonight they girls were gathering together at Chili's restraunt then meeting up at one of the guys house to play games, where some of the other guys came as well. It was a fun night!! They were all sooo nice! And we had a blast.

Back home I was out almost each night of the week. Here the only friend I have is Cat so far. We are together a lot (which is fine and working out well!) And then when she's at work I'm just here in our room by myself in the evenings. So this was a good change of pace. And the great part is the church (and a lot of the ppl.) are from this town I'm in! Not one of the further ones.

It's 11:30pm though, and i'm tired. So i'm off to bed. Cat works 2-9 so we won't do anything tomorrow. I'll sleep in late (really late) and then do home work!

Much love to you all. miss you like crazy!

Similarities (please read the whole thing!!!!...)

Last nite I went to Celebrate Recovery. It is a Christ centered recovery program.

Back home at my AA meetings we used to say the Serenity Prayer. I took hold of it, and kept it as MINE! But I learned last nite that there is more to it! And now I love it even more! So I want to share it w/ you:(I will put a ~~ between what I knew and what I just learned.)
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things i cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisodom to know the difference.
~~~~~~~
Livine one day at a time
Enjoying one moment at at time
accepting hardship as a parthway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did
this sinful world as it is
not as i would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if i surrender to Your will;
so that I may reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen

As I'm sure you know, AA has 12 steps they go by, for recovery. So does C.R. BUT added to that is the Christian perspective! Each step has Bible verses to back it up! I want to share these w/ you also. Walk w/ me on my journey to recovery...
1) We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compusive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable. "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." Romans 7:18
2)We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. "for it is God who works in you to willa nd to act according to His good purpose" Phil 2:13
3)We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Rom 12:1
4)We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves "Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord " Lam 3:40
5) We admited to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. "therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" James 5:16
6)We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up" James 4:10
7)We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 1:9
8) We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. "Do to others as you would have them do to you" Luke 6:31
9) We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother: then come and offer your gift" Matt 5:23-24
10)We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. "so, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall" 1 Cor 10:12
11) We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry them out. "Let the word of Christ dwell inyou richly." Col 3:16
12)Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other and to practice these principles in all our affairs. "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted." Gal 6:1

I'm not in Kansas anymore.

I'm getting used to Texas, don't get me wrong. And once I have a job and a place to live, it will be much better. But I really am not in kansas anymore. There's not much to do around here. And there's no grass, even though Cat assures me there will be in diff. seasons.

But I do like it, and I am content. I like all the mexican foods around! And loads of bb que pits! I think you should come and visit me. then it'll make it all better

Excitement in the air

Today I only have one class. Pschology. It's at 8am, and then I have the rest of the day off, this is on Mondays and Weds. Cat's still in classes until 12:15, so I'll normally be studing during that time. But today I had some things to get done.

I like my psych class. Cat had her last semester and said she's great. I think I might have a hard time though when it comes to grades. I'll just have to try my hardest. I talked to the Prof. after class to see how I should study. And she explained it to me, and also encouraged me to ask her questions whenever I had them. I am a bit nervous about my learning disability and this semester. When I was in 12th grade, I had the reading comprehension level of an 8th grader. So I really struggle w/ that. And sometimes it makes me frustrated, which just leads to this big ol' cycle of badness. So I'm glad I talked to her. History is one of my tough subjects. But I have a great teacher and I'm actually getting into it!! It's amazing how I hated it before, but how i'm enjoying what I'm learning right now.

I can't wait to go to Celebrate Recovery tonight!!!! I've been thinking about it all day. It's like a little kid who you tell "we're going to the beach this weekend" and they have no concept of time, and keep asking you when you're going. Haha. I realize how fun it is, though, to have that type of anxiousness. I can't wait!

I'm pretty tired right now. I had an aweful time getting up this morning! We ran late (Cat had a rough time too.) We always stop at her work (subway... they are open for breakfast, and have breakfast food.) to grab some soda or something on. And there is a convienence store right next to it. That's often our breakfast. So we both made it late to class. My teacher's ok w/ that. But Cat's teacher was NOT happy (or nice.) in any way about it.

Last nite cat and I went to this cute little coffee shop that we went to last week. It's right in town. I think it's called Texas Java?. It's a christian shop, they play christian music. I like it there, I get a lot of studying done while there. Well, I got a coffee w/ 90 decaf, and then a flavored coffee to fill it up. Cat got regular(no decaf coffee.) Somehow in our mix of books every where and coffee cups floating around, we mixed our cups. I can't sleep if I drink coffee too late. Welp, I ended up w/ hers! Go figure. I did take some of my sleeping pills, which helped! Before I had them, it was a disaster at nite after coffee!

C.R.

Back home there's this organization called Celebrate Recovery. It's kinda like Alcoholics Annonymous, but not. It's in a Christian perspective, and for much more than drinking. I never been to a meeting yet b/c of the days and times. I promised a dear friend of mine that I'd look into them when I got down here. So I found website looking them up in my area. There are two semi around. So I e-mailed the group leaders to see if there was anyone from my area that goes to them. And there is! She called me tonight and i'm going to one tomorrow!

This is good. b/c I feel a manic episode coming on. And that scares me. And besides that, It'll be nice to get out there and meet people.

feelin stressed

Today I was facebooking a friend and had a lot to say. B/c I guess I was doing a lot of thinking. Well, actually not. It's just one of those things where stuff just starts coming out.

I'm feeling a bit over whelmed right now. I have no idea where I'm ganna live in a month. I need a job to pay for rent. Hmm let's see. Just a lot. I just wonder why I'm here to go through alll this trouble.

I love school!! I remember sitting in one of my classes being like "this is great, i can do this. This feels natural." But I also have the thought, why am I going to college.Why has this been my dream, why am I doing all this.

I've been doing my h/w for social problems class. Read chapter 1. Well I have to say it took me forever! I read it, highlighted the key words in there, went back wrote the key words down. It took forever. Like 2 days. But that's how I'm ganna learn. I can't put less time in it. In fact, i should probably put more time into it.

Today I have to tackle English reading. Two chapters. and do an assignment. Got history out of hte way the other day.

I just broght all my stuff into the house from Cat's car. I have a lot of work to do w/ that too. I went through the tubs. The one has all the clothes I want. But I have to figure out where to put them and such. Oh the joys. Then I have all this stuff like candles and decorations that I brought w/ me, that I can't even use right now. It just makes me wonder what life's ganna be like for me in a few months. Will I have a place I call my own. Even if it's just a bedroom I rent from someone. Will I be able to unpack all my stuff? Can I have my million candles that I bought during Christmas out and about. Or did i bring this stuff (and myself?) down here for nothing. I have lots of what's/why's/ what if's going through my head. and I just want some answers.

Last nite Cat and I went to this really cute lil coffee shop to study. We were there for a while. 2 hours maybe? I got a lot done, but not enough. I hate the fact that I'm slower at reading and such. But I'm trying hard.

Today we went and picked up the rest of my stuff at the Kirk's house. They are soo sweet. They made us promise that we'd stop by to visit. They both told us how much they enjoyed us being around, and how nice we were, exc. They're a cute old couple!

Cat needed to collect some stagnant water for her Bio class. She had NO idea where! But they have a watering pond (the cows and donkeys use) and she asked if she could get some there. Mr. Kirk said yes. I asked if I could pet a cow (since they were up there) and he laughed and said no, but if one of the donkeys came over, I could pet one, just to stay from behind them or they might kick. There are two, mamma and a baby. I call them eeyor, and ej (eeyor jr.) Fun times.

We went to a flea market this after noon w/ Cat's grandma. We didn't get anything. But it was nice. We're staying in the rest of the day to do homework and such.

This whole process coming to, and being in Texas has ben a rough journey. But a journey none the less.

And through that, I've had other life changes. I'm missing one of my closest friends. We have apparently gone our own ways. Well, I've been forced to. I can't tell you how much this tears my heart. Oh how I wish something would stay stable in my life. I wish that the people I kept dear in my heart felt the same way.

I belive that our greatest gift is our greatest weakness. I care and love too much. It gets me into too much trouble. I wish that this were not my gifting.

oh, just typing

So I wonder how many people really read this? And if I'm waisting my time keeping it up? But I actually enjoy doing it anyway. It gets my feelings out. I guess I do it as much for myself as I do for anyone who might read it.

I called the temple college housing to see how long it would be till i mite get into an apt. They're not 100% pos, but around june-ish. I asked about appling to the regular TX. housing. Since I'm not working right now, that'd be about $50 a month. So Tue. i'm ganna call and see how soon I mite be able to get into that. The only problem is, you can't be on two lists at one time. So If I go on that list, I hope i'd get it by june. Other wise, I should stick w/ the T.C. housing. On Tues. when I call, I'll try and get some info.

I applied to Walmart on line, and sent my resume by e-mail to this other company I'm applying to. Please pray w/ me that I'll get a job, soon!

Busy Day

Today's going to be a busy day. Cat works at 4pm. We have to go to my old house and get my stuff, and bring it back here. We're stopping somewhere along the way to pick up an application. We also have to go to school to get another book. I dropped my Math class and picked up an on line English class. I'm a little nervous about the on line thing, but I think I can do it if I work at it.

So hopefully we get done what we need to. Since she has a small car, I don't think we're ganna get all my stuff today. But atleast we can get some of it.

friends

So I've been here a week now. Today makes it a week. It's hard being down here, only knowing one person, and not having a car. I was going to get a car w/ my financial aid, but that's not working out.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (past month or so) about friends in my life. I was talking to Cat about it. And we were talking about certain things. She allowed me to realize that some of my firendships are not friendships at all, but contracts. (It will work fine, if you do things my way.) And that's just not a friendship. I won't even have that type of relationship w/ my husband. Why on earth should I have it w/ my friends?

And I have to admit, it's been sad that people haven't tried to keep more in touch w/ me. I hate how making it to bed by a certain time is more important than talking to me for 5-10 minutes. I don't know. I feel like I have a lot to think about.

dont want to relive today!!

As you prolly know, I started college today. BUT and there is a big BUT! the financial aid office called me to tell me my loan and financial aid wasn't going thru. A couple months ago i put a forbeirance on my previous loans. apparently they didn't go thru all the way! and it's showing that i just didn't pay them, blah blah blah. So they're not allowing these loans and such to go thru now.

so i could see if i could make payment arrangements on college. But dk how i'd pay for all that. B/c these loans are what i was ganna use to pay rent/ get food exc. Now i have no means to live by.

am i supposed to come home now? I have no idea! I'm frustrated, upset, and just in shock not knowing what to do!..... AGAIN!

not in "Kansas" anymore!

My packages came today that I sent by mail. So Mrs. Kirk allowed me to use the golf cart to bring them to my trialer. She told me that there's a lil store down the road and that Golf Carts are allowed on the road here, so if i ever want to take it down there I could. hehe. that's sooo weird for me!!!! Not in kansas anymore toto!

church "shopping"... again

This isn't the first time that I've need to find a church home. I should be "used" to it. But it's never fun trying to find a church you fit. Church is a second family. And it's important.

Yesturday Cat and I went to the church who helped me find the place I'm staying at right now. It's a lutheran church. I don't know if ALL lutheran churches are close to Catholic, or just this one. But it does things simular. It's very ritualistic. The pastor is a woman. That is one thing I disagree on. But since she set me up w/ the Kirk family, I thought it only right to try her church.

I don't think they said one original prayer. They were all ones that we read together and such.

And the do communion every week. I don't necissarily think that's a bad thing. But I think it could become "too common." But they use real wine. No grape juice there. And even though it's only a tiny bit on a waffer, it's a problem for me. I don't want to get in the mind set "just a little is ok" and then have a drink somewhere, and then get back into that. I've already been struggling w/ the desire.

today

Today I just hung out a bit until Cat came and got me.

We went to her place, I met her grandma, and the two dogs!! One is a tiny chiuhah (how do u spell that!!) that fits in my hands!! And buddy, he's a beast of a small dog lol!!

We went to this shopping center. You'll be glad to know I didn't buy anything there. But we did go to walmart today. I bought school stuff, exc. the first time. And second time, food for my kitchen.

When Cat brought me home, she was about to leave and said "what's that" pointing in the direction of the cows, so naturally i said "cows". I told her to turn her high beams on. I wanted to see how close the cows got. Here, they were donkeys!!! two of them!!! This place just keeps getting better and better!

So we went over to talk to Mr. Kirk and Cat got to see the puppies. (we're not allowed to touch though.) We talked to him for quite a while. There's a dog here named opal. And she has a toung that's too long to fit in her mouth. So it's always sticking out!!! it's just tooo cute!

Oh yes, there are cat(s) here too. (naturally.) So far i know we have a rotweiler, hundreds of king charles cocker spaniels, 12 or so cows, a steer, and two donkeys. Here's my ranch!!!! God really does give us the desires of our heart. Not always how we expect, but he does do it!

Yeee Haw!!

I'm officially in Texas!!! My plane arrived around 6:30ish pm. (an hour early!!!!!!!!).

I have really bad ear problems. So when I fly, they pop a LOT and it gets Very painful to the point I'm almost always in tears!!! But I took some medicine that a friend told me about. And prayed prayed prayed! Don't ya know, that my ears barly did anything on the way up, and on the way down, I did have some pain, but it was manageable!!! Thank You Lord, for Your little blessings.

We got to my host families a little after 9pm. I'm living in a camper. It's reallllllllly nice! I have my own "apartment" :)

My host family lives on a ranch (or so i call it) they breed dogs(king charles spaniels), and have lots of them. And then they have about 12 cows and a steer!!!! I always said I wanted to marry a cow boy and live on a ranch! hehehe.

They have a guard dog, that is a Rotweiler. She said that Ellie is nice once she gets to know you. She said to walk up to her w/ your hand out so she can sniff you. And then she should be ok. Well, I was on the phone, and Ellie came up behind me, i didn't even know it! Until she started licking my hand!!! I guess I have a new friend. lol!!

Cat gets done work at 2p today. We're ganna grab some lunch, go to walmart, go to her house(i'm really excited about meeting Buddy, her dog!) And then IDK what else we're doing. I still have a LOT of unloading and situating to do. but i have loads of time to do all that lol.

Here it is

Today is the day. In 3 1/2 hours Rach and Court will be here to pick me up. I can't blelieve the time is finally here. The past two weeks seemed like months!

I didn't sleep well last nite. That's always the case for me, though. The nite before anything big, I'm always restless. It's been that way my whole life.

I have a lot of stuff going on the plane w/ me. I hope it all fits and they allow it. I guess I"ll find out.!! :)

My plane arrives in Austin at 7:30p. By the time I get my luggage it will be 8:30ish. Then we're looking at an hour- hour and a half drive to my new house. Oh yes, and we have to stop at walmart on the way home. I need to pick up breakfast food for tomorrow. And get necessities like toothbrush, shampoo, exc.

I hope you stay in touch w/ me. I will try my best to stay in touch. But please remember, it takes two.

Here I go!!!!!!

So w/ southwest airlines, you have to log in 24 hours or less before your flight, to reserve your seat. If you wait too long, the seats might be all taken! (even if you ordered it weeks ago!) So I sat here waiting on the computer for 4:05p (b/c that's when I leave tomorrow!) to sign in!!!!!!! Anddddd I got the ticket!!!!!!! My mom has an old dumb computer! I was affraid to use hers! But I couldn't use my lap top b/c it's not hooked up to the printer. And the end of the process you print out your boarding pass.

Soooooo tomorrow I'm off!!! Friends are picking me up around 12:30-1pm. And we're off to Philly! My flight leaves at 4pm! And I get into Austin Tx at 7:30 PM (8:30 our time!)


Yaaaaaa!!!

Soooo I have a LOT going on right now!!!!! Mostly good!

I leave tomorrow for Texas!! The time has come. Today I have to log on to reserve my seat. Please pray that it goes thru! (pray for my mom's old computer!!!! that it will let me, and i can print my ticket!)

Yesturday I was e-mailing nursing homes and such, for possible jobs. This one lady e-mailed me back, and we communicated back and forth. She asked for my resume. So last nite, I had to update it. I e-mailed it off to her! Hopefully Iwill get the job!!!!!!!!!! It sounds like I'll even have some social work responsibilities!!!!!!! And that's what I'm going to school for!

I talked to the housing place (on campus housing.) and I'm pretty much accepted. But I'm number 7 in line. So I prolly won't get anything till June ish. I wonder if I can stay w/ this family that long? If not, I'll have to find a place for a few months. (a lot of places need roommates, the the rent is about what I'd pay for the on campus housing.) So I mite be a roommate for a few months, but then I'd still want to move into my OWN place. :)

Today is a busy day. Finish packing. Neaten the stuff that's staying here at mom's house. Hopefully I pack everything that I need!!

Prayer requests:
-that mom's old computer will let me sign in today for my ticket, and let me print. This is a big prayer request!
-that i'll pack everything I intend to pack!
-Safe flight, and that the airline won't lose my luggage!
-A job (the one i've been talking to, perhaps?)
-A car ASAP down there.
-Housing, until my apt goes thru (maybe not till june?)
-Community w/ others.
-A church home

a working woman

Initially I was going to waite to find a job down there. But now I'm prolly going to start working right away. The lady who's house I'm going to be staying at gave me a suggestion of a place. And I also took time today to look up nursing homes, exc. i got an e-mail back already from one. And have to try and find my resume, or remake one for tomorrow. I'll send it to her on line.

Oh the day... :)

sooo today I went and mailed 6 peices of stuff to my new address in Texas. (at the couples house I"ll be staying at when i first get there. It went smoothly. Good to go. now it's just the waite. Thursday, here I come. Or there I go, rather!!! lol!

life amidst life

So I feel like i really have a lot going on right now. Today we're mailing my stuff by USPS. I'm still not done packing. and ya, just have a lot to do.

Then there's real life stuff going on as well. Ever stopped talking to a friend, but don't know why? The only thing you know is it involves avoidance. Ya that's what I'm going through right now. And I have to say it hurts. I guess I'm just confused. And being that i have all this TX stuff going on, it just seems over load. But this too shall pass. One way or another. It's deffinatly bringing me closer to God right now!!! And that's ALWAYS a good thing.

Oh the joys of life.............

not what i wanted

So tonite I began my Goodbye's. I didn't realize it was coming soooo soon. It was deffinatly a big hard for me. But I realized there are some rude ignorant people out there. People I just don't connect w/. Stiff and not caring or friendly. But ya know what, I need to just get over it, and be glad that they are not a part of my daily life. So these are my honest feelings.

Spoke to me! "my utmost for His highest!

Will You Go Out Without Knowing?
He went out, not knowing where he was going —Hebrews 11:8


Have you ever "gone out" in this way? If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What do you expect to do?" You don’t know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to "go out," building your confidence in God. ". . . do not worry about your life . . . nor about the body . . ." (Luke 12:22). In other words, don’t worry about the things that concerned you before you did "go out."
Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do— He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?
Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to "go out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus. You must learn to "go out" through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God.

here I go; Here I come!!.....

So the plane plans went through, and i'm off to Texas! I leave next thursday the 8th. Plane takes off at 4pm here and i get there at 7:30p.

oh the flight

Last nite Lauren and I were looking up the plane situation on line. Seeing which days/times I could fly. I was planning on the 5th. But it was going to be cheaper to go on the 7th or 8th. (by a LOT of money!) So we went to book it, but the site wouldn't let me!!! So i turned to her and said "there's no coincidance that God wouldn't let the car AND plane go thru!! She's ganna try today. And if it still didn't work, I know that's God's hand stopping it.

I had lots of emotions running through me last nite. I told God that no matter what He wanted, I would be ok with it. But the thought of staying here, sent tears to my eyes. I just kept praying that God would prepare my heart.

Staying here means a LOT more decision making and preparing.
I need to decide things like:
~do I stay w/ mom (which i really do NOT want to do.)
~look for another house/roommates
~stay at my job, look for something different (even though i love my job.)
And I'm sure there's so much more.