"Goin' Mental...."

A year ago this July/August I was going through the hardest time of my life. I made some very bad decisions to start drinking again (knowing what that does to me.) And from there doing two other drugs as well. I went from doing "ok" and two weeks later my life turned upside down, due mostly to those bad decisions that I made two weeks in a row. I never saw myself as being someone who would end up in the psych ward of a hospital. But there I was sitting in the E.R. very suicidal and they addmited me. I was in there for 5 days and then in partial hospitalization for 2 1/2 weeks. 3 1/2 weeks of deep treatment. That's a month of my life going through something that was confusing, frustrating, draining.

It was then that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was upset when I got the diagnosis, but I knew it was accurate. I also was glad to finally have the right diagnosis.

This past year has been a self-seeking one. Finding out who I am (not who my disease makes me.) and how to make it through this. They say it takes atleast 2 years-ish to get meds straight that work for you. I am very confidant in where my meds are now. The Dr. asked me if i wanted to up my meds and I told him no. I don't to take more than I need. I want to be a human being, not walking around like a zombi.

Well, on a completely different note: Work is going well. Starting tomorrow I'm learning how to open the store. I have to be in at 6 am. thank God I live right next door. If I become more of an opener, I'm hoping to get a raise. We'll see when the time comes.

Anyway, I work 5-10 tonight and then 6a-2 tomorrow. It's 3:45 so nap time.